Bowser and the Transformation of MM294
by Walkazo
Summary: Bowser has his sons Ludwig and Iggy prepare glowing bacteria for his latest plot against Mario, with unforseeable consequences.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Bowser or any other characters in this story. Also, the procedures for transforming MM294 were provided to me by my Biology teacher, with supplementary information stemming from **_**DNA Science**_**, by Micklos & Freyer, 1990.**

**Author's Notes:**** After almost a year-long hiatus, my computer spontaneously decided to start supporting this site again! And even though it's exam time at school and I don't have time to write anything, I just so happened to write this story a couple months ago for my Biology class! That being said, please bear through the parts that get a bit heavy on the science and jargon, because the story's worthwhile. However, I **_**did**_** get 100 on the assignment, so if you're planning on taking high school biology, you might just find this story helpful as well as entertaining! Rated T for violence.**

Bowser and the Transformation of MM294

The three children were rigid with attention, standing around a small lab bench in a semicircle, their eyes fixed on the steaming Erlenmeyer Flask in the tallest boy's claws. His name was Iggy Koopa, the middle-child in King Bowser Koopa's brood of offspring collectively known as the Koopalings, many of which looked nothing like their siblings. Being Dragon-Koopas, they all had the same basic features: arms, legs, stubby tails barely visible under the rim of their spiked turtle-like shells, teeth, claws, the works. Of course, like humans, these basic features aren't consistent throughout the family, and without knowing them, few would guess the Koopalings were related at all.

Iggy was the only one of his siblings to have teal facial scales and a shell of the same colour, his two companions, Ludwig and Lemmy were both green. Like Iggy, Lemmy had a rainbow mohawk atop his head, while Ludwig's hair was wild, puffy, and blue. Iggy's large fangs stuck out from the corners of his mouth, but any menace was lost on his thick, round glasses that magnified his steel grey eyes to gargantuan proportions. Lemmy's eyes were large but with beady pupils, though that was the least of his problems: he was a runt, and would scarcely be taller than his brothers' shoulders if it weren't for the star-covered ball he balanced atop 24/7. Ludwig too, had issues. His front teeth had been fused by an unlucky mutation and he would sport a lisp if he hadn't taken to speaking with a German accent, in honor of his namesake and idol, Ludwig von Beethoven.

"Now, add zee Xenon tetrafluoride," instructed Ludwig.

"Yes, I know," said Iggy, rolling his eyes at his eldest brother before taking a test tube filled with small crystals from a rack. He turned it on its side and started to tap the crystals down towards the end of the tube and the bubbling red liquid below. Bit by bit, the rocks rolled, nearing the edge. One wrong move and it could be disastrous, not that these kids were strangers to danger: they lived in a castle surrounded by molten lava in a country made up of mostly active volcanoes. Also, the Koopalings quarreled often, and sibling rivalry involving fire-breath, magic wands and lighting powers is much more destructive than that of humans and other simple creatures.

A crystal reached the precipice with a whole pile millimeters behind. One more tap and-

CRASH!!

Iggy jumped and crystals poured out of the tube, splashing into the liquid which promptly exploded.

"Ahhh!!" shrieked the three Koopalings, leaping backwards and covering their heads with their arms as drops of corrosive chemicals flew through the air around them. It splattered on the grey brick walls and the red-carpeted floor, where the drops stuck and hissed evilly.

"What are you kids doing?" asked Bowser incredulously, standing in the open doorway and staring at the mess before him.

"Experimenting," smiled Lemmy, hopping back onto his ball, unscathed and unbothered by the mishap.

"A better kvestion," grumbled Ludwig, "is vat are _you_ doing, fazzer, smashing open zee doorvay like zat."

"Yeah, didn't you see the sign?" said Iggy, pointing to the plaque still swinging from a nail in the door.

"'Knock Before Entering,'" read Bowser, before turning to his kids, "this is _my_ castle, so why should I waste my time _reading_?"

"Uh, so something like this doesn't happen," said Iggy, holding out his arms to invite his father to observe his ruined room. While never a clean place, Iggy's domain had always had some level of order. The piles of machinery he loved to tinker with had been piled in one corner-table, but were now toppled over in an unwieldy heap on the surrounding floor. His lab bench was covered in chemicals, only now they were free to mix and react, instead of being housed in test tubes, beakers and other assorted containers, all of which were now smashed around the room, the broken shards of glassware making the carpet sparkle dangerously. A breeze wafted in through the shattered window, making the smells of a hundred concoctions fill the smoky room.

"Oh this? This is nothing, I'll tell Kammy to clean it up later, but first I wanna show you guys something," said Bowser, carelessly dooming his thankless Chief Advisor to a very nasty chore. Sure, Kammy was one of the most powerful Magikoopas in Dark Land; and yes, her witch's magic was surpassed by none but her brother Kamek; but still, some of the chemicals dripping onto Iggy's floor would require some hefty spells to remove. And poor Kammy, as loyal as she was decrepit, would solder through it without a word of complaint to her dear King.

So, without a second thought, Bowser turned from the doorway and marched down the hallway. His children, having leapt over the worst of the mess, followed hot on his heels.

"So, whatcha going to show us?" asked Iggy.

"I've got a great plan to finish-off Mario!" announced Bowser, grinning. There were very few things that cheered the Koopa King more than the prospect of defeating his arch-nemesis. For years, Mario had been foiling every one of Bowser's plots, whether he was trying to take over a neighbouring country or kidnap the beautiful Princess Peach, with whom both the heroic plumber and the megalomaniac Koopa King were enamoured.

"Vat is it?" asked Ludwig.

"You'll see in a moment," said Bowser peering over the rim of his spiked green shell with a gleaming red eye. The three Koopalings fell silent, each pondering what "brilliant" new idea their father had. He wasn't known for being a genius; on the contrary, most people felt he was rather simple. After all, how could a creature as powerful and determined as Bowser lose to an overweight plumber time and time again? The people of the Koopa Kingdom thought less of their King each time he forced Mario to come after Princess Peach, and therefore, each time he forced his hapless soldiers into an unwinnable battle. He used to have the Koopalings fight as well, but there had been enough near-misses to convince him his children were better off away from the plumber, no matter how verbosely they complained.

Therefore, it was no surprise that Ludwig, Iggy and Lemmy were eager to help their father; he might not let them fight anymore, but anyway they could bring about victory for him and his people was better then nothing.

Bowser came to a stop and resting a large, meaty hand on the handle of the door nearest door, turned to face three of his kids. "Ludwig, Iggy, my two most smartest sons-"

"Hey!" interrupted Lemmy, "what about me?"

"Oh, uh, right," said Bowser sheepishly, peering down at the runt, "uh, Lemmy, my most, uh, balancing-est, er-"

"Uh, just forget it!" snapped Lemmy, his sunny disposition quaffed by his indignity, "I've got better things to do anyway."

With that he turned and sped off down the hall, tears streaming from his eyes as he rounded the bend. Ludwig, Iggy and Bowser stared after him, blinking in surprise.

"He hasn't been the same since we went to Vibe Island," mused Iggy.

"Whatever, he'll get over it," shrugged Bowser, turning back to the door, "as I was saying, Ludwig, Iggy, behold!"

He slammed the door open with another CRASH!! Revealing a medical lab. There were micropipettors and racks of eppendorf tubes carefully lain along the spotless counters alongside a centrifuge, a spectroscope, and a massive fishtank in which floated a big blue jellyfish.

"Is zat Jerry?" asked Ludwig uncertainly as Bowser walked over to the tank.

"Yeah," said Bowser nonchalantly as he lifted the lid off Jerry's abode.

"Does Larry know you took him?" asked Iggy, conscious of the fact that his little brother was rather protective of his pets.

Bowser ignored the question, "okay, so I was helping Roy with his homework-"

"Wait a minute! You were _helping_ him? Since when did you start helping us with our studies?" demanded Iggy.

"And since ven did Kamek start assigning _homevork_?" scoffed Ludwig, "all our vork is homevork."

"He was going off to the Beanbean Kingdom for his yearly retreat, and Kammy doesn't teach you guys Biology so he left Roy some sheets on bacteria transformation," explained Bowser, screwing up his face as he regurgitated Biotechnology jargon.

"I remember zat unit," smiled Ludwig, "fun times."

"Yeah well, I didn't get much of it, but Roy was being a pain and I figured if I looked it over he'd stop pestering me about it," said Bowser, "I mean, how am I supposed to know what an inuculating loop is?"

"Its pronounced 'in_**o**_culating'," interjected Iggy.

Bowser growled at the impudence, but pressed on with his story, "anyway, reading his textbook, I got this great idea, see, there's this protein, right, and it makes stuff glow green under UV light, or something."

"Yeah, Green Fluorescent Protein, or GFP," said Ludwig, turning to Iggy, "it's cool, zey've inserted zee gene for GFP into loads of sings to make zem glow green; like mice, and monkeys."

"And bacteria," said Bowser, "so, I was thinking, Mario's a always getting filthy dirty when he comes through, right? So, when he approaches the castle we could dump a big bucket of glowing bacteria on his head, but they wouldn't be glowing at that point and he wouldn't care that he's wet and come right in. And _then_ we'd turn on the right lights, and use those special Bullet Bills you designed, Iggy."

"The ones with the light sensors? But they're just prototypes, they don't work, they smash into the faintest light. I tried them out in the dungeons, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, Johnson's gotten over it, you should to. Your missiles will work fine, since we'd turn off all the normal lights and Mario'd stick out like a sore thumb in the UV and they'd have no choice but to go after him!"

"Hmmm, zat's not half-bad, actually," said Ludwig.

"I guess…" murmured Iggy.

"Yeah," said Bowser brightly, "it's a great plan. And I even thought out the details. I don't know much about transforming bacteria – that's your job – but I do know about that protein. It comes from jellyfish, so all we need is some of Jerry's DNA and…"

"Fazzer! Vait!"

"No! Don't-"

But Iggy and Ludwig were too late; Bowser plunged his arm into the tank and seized Jerry, who promptly wrapped the King's fingers with his tentacles and shocked him. Unfortunately for Bowser, Jerry wasn't your average Jellyfish; he didn't just sting his assailants, he electrocuted them.

Thus Bowser learned the hard way that not all Jellyfish glow because of GFP.

--

Iggy and Ludwig explained to their father that they could simply order bacterial plasmids recombined with the jellyfish gene coding for GFP. Irritated that he didn't think of it himself, Bowser sent Kammy to retrieve the pGLO plasmids from the University of Koopa, and gave Jerry back to Larry.

"Next time, label your electric pets," he had grumbled to his second-youngest son, "and teach them who's the boss: _me_!"

Larry, never one for words, merely nodded and gave Jerry an extra helping of chopped Cheep-Cheep once "the boss" had left.

--

Shortly after Kammy departed, Ludwig and Iggy ran into another hitch in Bowser's plan: the castle's doctors didn't stock bacteria feasible to the experiment.

"Don't worry, Roy and I already thought of that," said Bowser, shuffling over to the kitchen fridge after the two Koopalings had shared their problem with him, having finally tracked him down snacking in the kitchen.

Iggy and Ludwig exchanged a worried look, the former then spoke up, "uh, you told Roy?"

"Why not?" shrugged Bowser, rifling through the refrigerator, "it was _his_ homework that gave me the idea."

"And how did _he_ suggest you procure bacteria for us?" asked Ludwig, cocking an eyebrow; Roy was as renowned for his scientific genius as his father.

"Well bacteria are everywhere, and there was a page about collecting them in Roy's book, sooo…" said Bowser, spinning around to show his kids what looked like a petri dish containing a layer of semi-solid green agar (a substance used to grow bacteria on that's supposed to be hard and yellow). In-turn, the decomposing agar was covered in horrendous, multi-coloured, misshapen, numerous, bulging colonies oozing with festering bacteria.

The two Koopalings reeled away from the pathogenic agar plate. "Ugh! Get that away from us!" said Iggy, aghast.

"Why? We got lots of good bacteria! See?" said Bowser, opening the dish.

"Vhat are you DOING?" yelped Ludwig, "close zat!"

"Or better yet-" said Iggy, slapping the dish out of Bowser's claws with a ladle he had snatched from a nearby counter. It clattered to the ground, sending the liquefying agar splattering onto the floor. Not wasting a moment, the bespectacled Koopaling spat a fireball at the mar, incinerating the offending material in an instant.

"What'd you do that for?" growled Bowser.

"It vas dangerous," explained Ludwig, "who knows vat sorta bacteria vere growing on zat plate, it could've been teeming vit infectious pazzogens."

"Huh?" grunted Bowser, "you were fine with working with bacteria yesterday."

"With MM294, yes, but not with whatever random bacteria you and Roy happened to scrape off the floor," huffed Iggy.

"Now, now, we're not stupid," growled Bowser, crossing his arms hotly, "everyone knows public washrooms are the most filled with germs."

"You got that stuff from the- No wait, forget it, I don't wanna know," said Iggy, throwing out his hands.

"Yes, it vas bad enough zat he vas keeping zat cesspool in zee fridge," muttered Ludwig, "vee'll have to tell zee chef…"

"Huh? What're you talking about Ludwig?" demanded Bowser.

"Nozzing, just asking Iggy vere vee're going to get some proper bacteria," lied Ludwig.

"Hmph, you could've asked _me_," huffed Bowser.

"No need," said Iggy, saving his brother an earful, "we can order the bacteria like we ordered the pGLO."

"Well why didn't you say-so earlier?" said Bowser exasperatedly, "we could've got Kammy to get them at the same time."

"Er…"

"Bah!" said Bowser, shrugging off his sons' mistake, "she'll just have to go to the University twice."

And with that, he left, munching on the piece of cake he had swiped from the fridge before Iggy and Ludwig had found him in the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

It took Kammy two days to get the pGLO, and two more to get a prepared plate of bacteria. The strain Iggy and Ludwig had requested was a kind of _E. coli_ called MM294, a variant used by highschool students all across the Koopa Kingdom and beyond. Opening his old Biology textbook, Ludwig read out all the required equipment for the lab to Iggy, who collected them from around the med. lab and placed them on the counter; in the exact spot where Jerry's tank had been days earlier.

"All set," he announced brightly.

"Good, first vee need to label some eppendorf tubes," said Ludwig, reaching for a permanent marker. He labeled one tube "+ pGLO" while Iggy wrote "- pGLO" on another. They then marked the tops of the tubes with the appropriate symbol ("+" for Ludwig, "-" for Iggy) so they could clearly see which one was what after placing them in a test tube rack.

"Now the Transformation Solution, right?" asked Iggy, who had read over the lab earlier.

"Yes, but first…" trailed off Ludwig, letting his actions speak for him as he filled a Styrofoam container with water and ice and then placed the eppendorf tube rack inside it.

"I still don't get the ice," commented Iggy, as Ludwig took two liquid-filled eppendorf tubes from the medical fridge and placed them in the rack, "isn't the point of this lab to _grow_ bacteria? You'd think they'd do better in the shaking water bath…"

"Zey vould, but you're forgetting, zee point of zis lab is primarily to transform zee bacteria, vee can use a glowing colony to grow more later, zee hard part is getting zem to glow in zee first place."

"Oh right," said Iggy, finally understanding, "the heat shock wouldn't be all that shocking going from 37 degrees Celsius to 42 degrees Celsius."

"Speaking of vitch, how's zee vater bass going?"

"Not quite there yet," said Iggy, peering at the thermometer sticking out of the electric water bath.

"Okay, put zat uzzer eppendorf tube rack in zee bass and make sure zee water level's high enough to submerge at least half zee tubes. I'll add zee Calcium chloride," instructed Ludwig, picking up the micropipettor and setting it to 250 uL. Micropipettors are the cool gadgets you see on crime shows the forensic scientists use to add little drops of chemicals to test tubes held high in the air. They come in many different gauges, depending on how much liquid you want to pipette; Ludwig was using the largest one, the p1000.

Having adjusted the tool, Ludwig reached over to a box of micropipettor tips used to keep things sterile in the lab. Instead of dipping the micropipettor itself into the various chemicals, bacterial cultures and whatever else is used in any given lab, disposable tips are the only things contaminated. Ludwig stuck the micropipettor's end into one of the tips waiting in the box, and lifted the whole thing away, closing the lid afterwards.

The eldest Koopaling then reached over to the ice bucket and picked up on of the tubes resting in the rack with his left hand. It was labeled "CaCl2", a salt used to help move foreign DNA through pores in a bacterium's cell wall (transformation). He flicked the tube open with his thumb and dipped the micropipettor's tip into the Calcium chloride. Before he did this this, Ludwig had pushed down on the pipettor's plunger with his thumb, forcing air out of the tip; now, he slowly released the plunger, letting the Transformation Solution to flow into the tip.

When the tip was full, Ludwig lifted it out of the tube, which he then closed and replaced in the ice bucket. He then picked up the "+ pGLO" tube, opened it, and stuck the tip inside. Resting the opening on the side of the tube, he slowly pushed down on the plunger, draining the Calcium chloride into the tube. To make sure the tip was totally empty, Ludwig pushed the plunger down below the first stop (last time, he stopped at this point), letting out some air and the last of the salt solution. He lifted the tip out of the tube before releasing the plunger; he then closed the tube, put it in the ice bucket and then ejected the tip from the micropipettor into a beaker set aside for waste material.

He repeated the entire process for "- pGLO", paying attention to every detail and like the TV stars, holding everything at eye-level.

"You vanna inoculate zee sample?" asked Ludwig, turning to Iggy, who had been watching him work.

"Sure," said the younger Dragon-Koopa, eagerly pulling some equipment towards his section of the bench: a Bunsen burner, a sparker, an inoculating loop and a petri dish filled with bacteria.

"I'll get zis ready for you," offered Ludwig, taking the agar plate. Inside the growth medium was dotted with small white colonies of _E. coli_; it looked much more appetizing then Bowser's plate had been. As Ludwig unwrapped the Parafilm sealing the dish, Iggy fiddled with the Bunsen burner. He stuck the tube into a gas outlet and turned on the fumes, at the same time, flicking the sparker to ignite the gas pouring out of the burner. After a few tries he got a viable flame, and he was still adjusting its height when Ludwig looked up from his work and snorted in amusement.

"What?" snapped Iggy.

"Vell, it's just a bit ridiculous – a fire-breathing dragon using a Bunsen burner," responded Ludwig, grinning wryly.

Iggy stared into the flame for a moment. He then reached over and turned off the gas, blowing last wisps on un-fueled fire out before turning back to Ludwig. "Well, _you're_ the one who read it out for me to retrieve."

"Yes, I dictated vat vas written in zee book, and you vere supposed to use your common sense to decipher and extrapolate vat is _really_ needed. Kamek vould do zat vit me ven he taught me zis lab last year; it's a general textbook, see? Koopa Troopas use it too, and since zey don't breathe fire-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," said Iggy impatiently, "let's just get on with it."

Ludwig shrugged and watched his little brother pick up the inoculating loop and blast it with a fireball. The tip immediately turned red; using a Bunsen burner, it would have needed to be held in the flame for a moment before it started to glow.

"I would've given up on the burner in no time anyway…" commented Iggy as he opened the plate Ludwig had handed him. "…After all those times I've forgone the need for a soldering iron thanks to my fireballs…" with that, he jabbed the end of the loop into a patch of agar clear of bacteria. With a squelching noise, the metal cooled, and therefore, it wouldn't roast any bacteria Iggy scooped up. He dragged the loop through a large colony and a white blob built up on the wire.

"Nice vone," complimented Ludwig as Iggy picked up the "+ pGLO" tube and flicked it open.

"Thanks!" grinned the younger Koopaling, but his smile faded after he inserted the loop in the tube and found the bacteria blob wouldn't come off in the Calcium chloride. He tried to spin the loop between his index finger and thumb, but it was no use and he soon turned to bashing the end of the loop on the bottom of the tube.

"Grrr, oh, come on!" he growled after a minute of fruitless smashing. He started crashing the loop on the sides of the tube as well as the bottom, churning the little instrument as if he were making bacteria butter. Ludwig fought the urge to chuckle as his brother's eyes bulged behind his flashing glasses and as his right hand became a blur of movement. "Graaah!!" screeched Iggy, "get off you stupid little sons of Chain Chomps or I'm gonna- rraaahhh!" Iggy looked more demented now than he had in a while, Ludwig was surprised he hadn't started crackling with electricity as he continued to threaten and swear at the pesky blob.

Suddenly, the bacteria fluttered from the loop and gently floated through the frothing Transformation Solution.

"Finally!" gasped Iggy.

"Uh…"

"What?" asked the haggard Koopaling.

"Zere's still a little bit of bacteria on zee loop," said Ludwig, grinning apologetically as he pointed to the smear on the metal.

"Uuugghhh!" groaned Iggy.

"Look on zee bright side," offered Ludwig, "after you get zat bit off, zere's a whole 'nother tube to inoculate.

Iggy's face was murderous.

--

After getting the last little bit of bacteria off the loop, Ludwig proceeded to do the second tube (after re-flaming the loop and putting "+ pGLO" back into the ice bucket). While the elder Koopaling inoculated "- pGLO", Iggy suspended the bacteria in "+ pGLO" by tapping it with his fingers, creating a vortex. He then took another micropipettor (a small p10 set to 5 uL), stuck on a tip, took a tube from the ice-bucket labeled "pGLO" and transferred some of the plasmids from it to "+ pGLO". He then placed both tubes back in ice and shot the tip into the waste beaker. As Iggy ejected the used pipette tip, Ludwig put "- pGLO" along side the other tubes.

"How'd you get that done so fast?" demanded Iggy.

"Just lucky, I guess" shrugged Ludwig, flaming the loop one last time, to sterilize it for later use. However, instead of cooling it in the agar (and risking contamination from the bacteria), he simply held it aloft until it cooled on its own.

"Now we wait," sighed Iggy, since the bacteria had to be given at least 10 minutes to incubate on ice before the next step in the lab procedure.

"Vee can label zee plates," said Ludwig, pulling four fresh agar plates from a freshly-opened bag.

"Good idea," smiled Iggy, grabbing a permanent marker and one of the plates, "I'll do the "+ pGLO" plates, you do the "- pGLO" ones."

"I sought I vas doing "+" and you vere doing "-"?" said Ludwig as he wrote the date around the edge of the bottoms his two plates.

"The "+" bacteria gave me way too much trouble to just give away," joked Iggy, following suit with his labels.

Soon the two "+ DNA" plates were labeled "LB/AMP" and "LB/AMP/ARA" and the two "- pGLO" plates were monogrammed "LB/AMP" and "LB". The "LB" stands for "Luria-Bertani", the kind of nutrient-rich medium used in many labs to grow _E. coli_, including Iggy and Ludwig's. Plates labeled "AMP" contained the antibiotic ampicillin; only transformed bacteria could grow on these plates (the pGLO plasmid contain the gene for ampicillin resistance as well as the gene for GFP). The agar of the "LB/AMP/ARA" plate contains ampicillin as well as a sugar called arabinose, which allows the bacteria to glow. In-order to understand why this happens, you need to understand operons.

In operons, an operator site is located between the promoter (where the protein RNA Polymerase docks onto the DNA) and the genes (which the RNA Polymerase transcripts into RNA which goes off and is read by ribosomes which then produce the protein coded for by the gene). In one kind of operon, another protein called a repressor docks to the operator and acts as a road-block to RNA Polymerase, preventing it from transcribing the gene and therefore, preventing the production of that protein. The pGLO plasmid contains one of these operons, the arabinose operon, which originally coded for proteins (enzymes) that digest the sugar. Arabinose acts as an inducer, binding to the repressor protein which reconfigures it into a shape which can not hold onto the DNA; it then falls off and the RNA Polymerase can move on to transcript the digestive enzymes, these proceed to break down the arabinose. When all the sugar is digested, the repressor is free to reconfigure and dock with the DNA once again, preventing the production of more proteins; which makes sense, since you don't need those enzymes if there's no arabinose left to break down. However, in the Koopaling's lab, the codes for the digestive proteins were replaced with the genes for GFP, so in the presence of arabinose, the bacteria will now produce Green Fluorescent Protein and glow.

Of course, there's more to operons than just that; there's another kind in which the repressor proteins only bind to the DNA in the _presence_ of a certain substance (called a corepressor). There are also substances called activators which can make the RNA Polymerase transcript faster, and much, much more. But for the pGLO lab, this is all you need to know.

--

Finally, the ten minutes were up. Ludwig had been monitoring the water bath for a bit before it was time to transfer the tubes, so the water was exactly 42 degrees Celsius when Iggy brought the ice bucket over. Ludwig took out a stopwatch (though he could have simply watched the clock) and Iggy picked up the two eppendorf tubes and dipped them in the bath for exactly 50 seconds before returning them to the ice. This is called heat shocking, it stresses the bacteria so they become competent (receptive to foreign DNA). In the pGLO experiment, the plasmids can be taken up by the bacteria as a result of heat shocking the bacteria.

"But then, what's the point of the Caclium chloride?" asked Iggy as he and Ludwig let the _E. coli_ recover on ice for two minutes.

"Since DNA is negatively charged like zee cell membranes, it can be difficult for it to pass into zee competent bacteria," explained Ludwig.

"Oh, so the salt acts like a buffer!"

"Exactly: it interferes vit zee repulsion."

"Hmm, so it's a bit like us: Peach is repulsed by King Dad, but she likes us, so she doesn't mind her kidnappings as much anymore," mused Iggy.

"I guess…" said Ludwig thoughtfully, "but she doesn't _really_ hate Fazzer, she just hates him kidnapping her all zee time."

They fell silent.

"Do you think this plan'll really work?" asked Iggy after a moment.

Ludwig sighed, "it's no vorse zen zat pinball gambit of his, and it's better zen zee Isle Delfino sing."

"And I guess it beats him just flying over and snatching her out of her window and coming back here and letting Mario trash the place…"

"I vish he'd give it a rest," said Ludwig sadly.

"Me too."

Silence filled the room once more; then Ludwig announced they needed to do the next step. Using two p1000s, they each micropipetted 250 uL of LB broth into the tubes, mixed it all together with finger vortexes, and put the tubes in a third rack, this one sitting on the desk. They left the bacteria to grow at room temperature for ten minutes, and they left each other to their thoughts.

--

Now it was time for the last step in the lab: plating the bacteria. While Iggy used a p200 micropipettor to squirt 100 uL of the "+ pGLO" bacteria solution onto the "+ pGLO LB/AMP" plate, Ludwig flamed an instrument called a spreader. It looks a bit like a small triangle (the musical instrument, that is) with one end extended into a handle; since it's made out of thicker material than the inoculating loop, it took a couple fireballs to heat it up. Ludwig then dipped the bottom edge into a petri dish filled with distilled water to cool the metal before he touched it to the plate and spread the drops of bacterial broth around the surface of the agar. He then reflammed the loop as Iggy closed that plate, set it aside, and added bacteria to "+ pGLO LB/AMP/ARA". After that had been spread, Iggy and Ludwig switched positions (so they both got the practice).

They then stacked the agar plates and taped them together. They left them on the counter, right-side up, and were about to clean up the lab when Bowser walked in, Kammy trailing behind. She was an old witch, with a square tooth jutting out from her lower jaw under her hooked yellow bill. Like all Magikoopa, she wore glasses (though unlike Iggy's specs, you couldn't see her eyes through the lenses) and a cloak that covered her entire body (save for her wizened hands). What set Kammy apart was that she was the only Magikoopa sporting fancy red glasses (the rest wore plain round black ones), a purple cloak, and a witch's hat of the same colour. Grizzled white hair stuck out from under this hat, in her youth it had been electric blue, but those days had passed decades ago.

"So how's everything going, guys?" asked Bowser jovially.

"Good," said Iggy, "we're finished."

"So we missed the show?" asked Kammy, stepping up beside her King.

"'Fraid so," said Ludwig, holding his arms out helplessly, "all vee've got left is clean-up."

"_Clean-up_?" said Bowser incredulously, "since when do my kids clean up their own messes?"

"Since we want to follow procedure," offered Iggy.

"Who cares about procedure? It's not like you're going to do this again once Mario's been blown to smithereens!" intoned Bowser, "well, unless you wanna turn somebody green…"

"Actually, transformation has loads of practical applications," said Ludwig brightly, "humans have been using bacteria to grow proteins for decades. Sometimes it's because the humans have some sort of deficiency and need to get zee proteins from elsevere, and ozzer times they can use it to _prevent_ disease. For example, vone guy discovered a protein zat prevented angiogenesis in cancer cells, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. With Magikoopas around, who needs a cure for cancer?" said Bowser, jutting his chin towards Kammy, "I know if I've gotta choose between bacteria juice and magic, I'd take the latter."

"Okay, fair enough," shrugged Iggy, "but you can transform things other than bacteria, ya know. Like, inserting Cheep Cheep genes into tomatoes so they don't freeze."

"When was the last time you saw me eat a tomato?" scoffed Bowser.

"Okay, here's anozzer vone," began Ludwig, "you like cherries, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you like chocolate."

"Uh-huh."

"Vell, sanks to transformation, you can have cherries zat taste like chocolate."

"Ew!" winced Bowser, "who would want _that_?"

"Uh!" sighed Iggy, "the point is, transformation's a key part of society. It's found in out health care, and in the economy. Thanks to this technology, we can make pest-resistant crops, and better tasting food."

"If I wanna taste chocolate, I'd eat _chocolate_!" growled Bowser.

"Fine," said Ludwig, "but still, zere are so many sings besides zat vitch use transformation, or even biotechnology in general."

"Even the Magikoopas use bacteria to grow biotic components of lots of their concoctions. The ressurection potion that's saved you multiple times has only been made possible by transformation," said Iggy beseechingly, "without this technology, lives would be lost, including yours!"

"Sounds like Kamek's taught them well," chucked Kammy as the King pondered his son's words.

"No!" corrected Bowser, snapping out of his reverie, "Kamek only taught _Ludwig_, get your facts straight, you old hag!"

"Yes, Your Acidicness," said Kammy, unfazed by Bowser's habitual hazing.

The King of the Koopas turned back to his sons, "what would people say if Koopan royalty started doing grunt work?"

"Uh, 'hooray'?" guessed Ludwig.

"They'd probably be glad to have a down-to-earth leader," it took a lot of self-restrain for Iggy not to add 'for once'.

"I doubt it," said Kammy, "most people already know you're good kids, when you're not tearing the castle – and each other – apart."

"Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?" growled Bowser.

"Of course not, Your Biliousness."

"Huh? What's that mean?" said Bowser, before giving it up as a bad job, "bah, you're crazy. Clean up this mess, c'mon guys, let's go have cake to celebrate the, uh, moving along of the plan! Gwa ha ha!"

"Sounds to me like you just want an excuse for cake, Your Portlyness," grinned Kammy.

"What's that?" asked Bowser, who hadn't heard her comment over his own laughter.

"Nozzing," said Ludwig, grinning at Kammy.

"Whatever," shrugged Bowser, already on his way out, "now let's go eat."

"Sorry about zis," said Ludwig apologetically.

"Don't worry about it," said Kammy, holding out her jeweled, "I'll have this place clean, lickety-split!"

"Just make sure the micropipettor tips and the samples in the eppendorf tubes go in the autoclave, the thing over there in the corner," said Iggy pointing at what looked like an overgrown metal pot that cooks bacteria-covered material to sterilize them.

"Vee already put zee bacteria and plasmid samples you got from zee University avay, and same vit zee Transformation Solution," said Ludwig, "but none of zee tools, I'm afraid."

"And spray the desk with Lysol when you're done," added Iggy.

"But before zat, put zat stack of plates in zee incubator upside-down; by zen zee LB bross vould have sunk into zee agar and von't drip," explained Ludwig as Kammy started steering him and his brother to the door.

"Upside-down because otherwise condensation would drip down onto the agar and make the bacterial colonies run," chattered Iggy as Kammy pushed him through the door after Ludwig.

"Boys, please. I've helped the Medikoopas in their labs enough to know how to clean up bacteria, now hurry after His Impatientness before he comes looking for you, you know what he's like when he's hungry."

The Koopalings murmured some sort of agreement with the Royal Advisor before running off down the hall, shouting their thanks over their shoulders.

Kammy chuckled and turned to face the room, with a flick of her wand, the equipment flew into the air and sailed into their proper housing. Another wave sent the contaminated plastic-ware into the autoclave and the un-melted ice from the bucket into the freezer. The old Magikoopa then shuffled over and manually poured the cold water down the sink, before levitating the empty foam ice bucket onto a pile of its kin on top of a nearby shelf. Kammy took the stack of agar plates in her claws and peered closely at it; there was still some liquid sitting on top of the agar, but that was remedied with a jab of her wand. She placed the plates inside the 37 degrees Celsius incubator as Ludwig had instructed and as she left the room she activated the autoclave with her magic.

Before she turned off the lights she took one last look at the room. A final wave of the wand made the place sparkle.

"Lysol indeed!" she humped good-naturedly, and then she left.

--

"But I wanted LOTS of _glowing_ bacteria," growled Bowser, glaring down at the LB/AMP plate Ludwig had given him the next morning, "what's the point of all these jellies? Roy's book said you grow up bacteria in soup."

"In _broth_," corrected Iggy.

"Whatever!" said Bowser exasperatedly.

"Zee LB plate is meant to show us zat zee bacteria grow properly, see how zere is a lawn," explained Ludwig patiently, pointing at the other plate his father was holding.

"No," said Bowser, "all I see is that the green stuff's all bumpy on top now."

"The bumps are bacteria," piped-in Iggy, "since there's no ampicillin all the bacteria can grow, not just the transformed ones."

"Zose are zee ones in zat LB/AMP plate," continued Ludwig, "only bacteria zat had taken up pGLO could survive, zen zey divided and formed zee colonies vitch vee can see."

"But they don't glow," said Bowser, unhappily shining a portable UV light on the plate. Fortunately for him, Dragon-Koopas' skin is covered in scales that protect them from radiation; otherwise he'd risk giving himself cancer down the road with the light.

"That's 'cuz they need arabinose to produce GFP, and there's no arabinose on that plate, just this one," said Iggy, holding out another plate. "Shine the light here, see? They glow."

"Not all of them," said Bowser, puzzled at how most of the colonies remained white under the UV rays, instead of turning bright green like they're supposed to – only seven spots did that.

"Zee non-glowing ones are called satellite colonies," said Ludwig, "since zee transformed bacteria produce a lot of zee amp-resistance protein, some leeches out into zee surrounding agar and destroys zee anti-bacterial zere. Zen, untransformed bacteria can grow in zis resistance "shadow". Look at zee LB/AMP plate, zere's satellite colonies zere too, zee smaller ones around zee elevin big colonies, vitch are zee transformed bactera."

"I still don't see the point of this plate," grumbled Bowser, scrutinizing "LB/AMP".

"It's so we can see how many bacteria were successfully transformed," said Iggy, "then we can calculate the Transformation Efficiency."

"But I don't care about that! I-just-want-lots-of-glowing-bacteria!" complained Bowser, acting rather juvenile.

"Besides," said Kammy from the corner of the room, "couldn't you just use the LB/AMP/ARA plate for finding the T.E.? It's all using the same plasmid, and then you don't have to worry about finicky things such as size for discerning the satellite colonies from the transformed ones."

"If you know so much, then why don't _you_ teach Roy Biology when your brother's away? You lazy old bat," jeered Bowser.

"I am not nearly as versed as Kamek, Your Criticalness," smiled Kammy, "and he's such a control-freak, he'd redo all the lessons when he got back anyway, to make sure they're done right, and whatnot."

"Hmmm…" said Bowser, Kammy had a point: her twin _was_ a megalomaniac when it came to those sorta things. After being raised by Kamek his entire life, Bowser was all too familiar with his heavy-handedness. The King of the Koopas decided to switch subjects: "and what about that plate? It's got _nothing_ growing on it."

"Zis is untransformed bacteria plated on LB/AMP agar," said Ludwig, holding up the last dish, "since none of zee bacteria should have zee plasmid for resistance, zey should all die, like zey have done today. If anysing grew, vee vould know zat zere was eizzer an issue vit zee ampicillin not vorking, of zere vas a problem vit contamination of zee bacteria themselves."

"Fortunately, it's all gone swell," grinned Iggy.

"Except this is hardly enough bacteria to cover Mario," said Bowser, taking "LB/AMP/ARA" from Iggy.

"Don't vorry," insisted Ludwig, "a single colony on zat plate is all vee need to grow **buckets** of bacteria, just give us tventy-four hours."

"But I've already waited for a week!" protested Bowser.

"More like five days, Your Wheedleingness," interjected Kammy.

"Four of those days were because of _you_, ya know," huffed Bowser, "if Mario can cross Dark Land on foot in less than a day, you should be able to fly across the kingdom and back in less than an hour."

"Broomsticks only go so fast, and Mario's got adrenaline and 'Shrooms on his side," said Kammy reasonably.

"Super Mushrooms don't make you go fast, idiot, they make you grow big or restore your health. Speed _Flowers_ make ya go fast, but I don't think there's any around in this dimension… Larry'll probably know though," mused Bowser.

"Should we go ask?" suggested Kammy.

"No," said Bowser, "we've got work to do. And by we, I mean you. Those UV lights need to be set-up in the battle chambers, and then Iggy's Bullet Bills need ta be moved too. And there's no way _I'm_ doing **that**, gwa ha ha!"

Kammy sighed and followed her laughing lord down the hall. Iggy picked up the LB/AMP/ARA plate Bowser had set back down onto a table before he left. "So, we're making an overnight culture?"

Ludwig nodded, "yep, I already had some Medikoopas prepare a vat of LB/AMP/ARA bross."

"The ampicillin's there to make sure only transformed bacteria grow right? So if we accidentally move some satellite colonies into the broth they'll die?"

"Exactly," smiled Ludwig, "and zee arabinose is zere to make sure zey make lots of GFP. I can't vait to see Fazzer's expression ven vee bring him a couple litres of glowing green MM294."

However, Iggy was frowning, "how exactly _are_ we getting those colonies into the broth?"

"Vell, vee can eizer use a micropipettor tip to skewer a colony and dump zee whole sing into zee bross or…"

"Or?"

"Or vee can use an _inoculating loop_ to scoop up a colony," finished Ludwig, observing the look of horror on his brother's face, "and, since zat vay's zee one described in our book…"

"Uuugghhh!" groaned Iggy.


	3. Chapter 3

Fortunately for Iggy, his eldest brother wasn't quite as sadistic as the other Koopalings, and spared him from making the overnight culture. Instead, Iggy went to supervise the preparation of the battle chambers; the cavernous interior section of the box-like Koopa Castle. These rooms could be pumped full of lava or drained into seemingly bottom-less pits. They could be connected with a maze of warp pipes or the walls could be removed, forming a massive chamber that is, more often than not, swarming with Bowser's soldiers. Every time Bowser was about to kidnapped Peach, he would have the battle chambers remodeled, so the Princess' plumbers wouldn't grow accustomed to his trap-laden castle. After all, the Koopa King valued every second the Princess was his "guest", he loved her, and he would do anything in his power to make sure she remained that way longer. Even if it was as trivial as rearranging the furniture.

In fact, the Koopan soldiers were so practiced at these refurbishings that they had completed most of the preparations by the next morning. All that was left was to rig up a couple moving platforms, fill the trenches with Cheep Cheep-infested water (they couldn't use lava because its glow would mess up the UV sensors in the Bullet Bills), and adjust the lighting; though Iggy was in-charge of this last item. In fact, he was just about to test out the lights with the modified missiles actually activated when Ludwig came into the control room.

"Hello," he said.

"Hi," responded Iggy, not looking up from the terminal he was working at.

Ludwig walked over beside Iggy and looked out through the picture window above the control panels. Since all the battle chambers had been merged into one (to give the Bullet Bills more time and space to chase Mario), he could see the entire inner section of the castle. The workers looked like tiny ants from the room, which was situated near the ceiling, still, Ludwig could make out various species: Koopa Troopa foot-soldiers, some skeletal Dry Bones, and even some Magikoopas.

"Vere's Kammy?"

"Uh… she's off using her crystal ball to locate Peach and the Mario Bros." said Iggy, "did ya hear? King Dad plans to head out this afternoon!"

"Yeah, he told me ven I showed him zee overnight culture."

"How'd that turn out?"

"Great," smiled Ludwig, "bright green, even wizzout zee UV light, zough I guess zat's a bit pointless, since zee LB/AMP/ARA bross is already green…"

"Yeah," said Iggy looking sideways at Ludwig, he then notices something amiss and craned his head around, "where are the bacteria anyway?"

"Fazzer took zem to his Clown Car after I showed zem to him after breakfast, he's gonna drop zeir container on zee Mario Bros. as zey approach zee castle: he'll fly in, and BOOSH!"

"Heh heh, cool."

"I guess, zough it sounds a bit more like a prank vee'd pull, zen one of Fazzer's 'sinister plots'."

"The only thing sinister about it is how fast he's making me work!" sighed Iggy, "if it were up to me, I'd test the Bullet Bills in the UV light after everyone's cleared out, but he says that will take too long."

"Vat about zee radiation?" asked Ludwig concernedly.

"The Goombas are the only things that don't have natural protection, so I sent them all away hours ago," shrugged Iggy.

"Good," mused Ludwig, watching his brother turn on the intercom.

"Okay everyone, I'm turning off the main lights again, the Bullet Bills'll be activated this time, so absolutely NO ONE make anything light up. If King Dad has to postpone today's kidnapping he'll be seriously ticked-off," warned Iggy. The windows were one-way and invisible to the workers, so no one bothered looking up at the announcement. However, when a Koopaling's saying something in Castle Koopa, you listen, and squinting about the room, Ludwig could see wands being unlit, and torches extinguished.

Iggy gave the Troops a moment to blacken themselves before typing something into a monitor imbedded in the terminal and flicking five switches in succession. Section by section, the battle chamber went pitch black.

"See anything?" asked Iggy, scanning through the darkness before him.

"No," said Ludwig, "but's it's hard vit zee glare on zee vindows…"

"Fine," grumbled Iggy, typing something else into the panel and flicking yet another toggle, turning off the lights in the observation room too.

"Zat's better," said Ludwig, but Iggy wasn't listening, instead he was once more fiddling with the tiny computer screen. He pushed enter on the keyboard and the chamber was bathed in eerie blue light. Now, the Koopalings could pick out the basic outlines of the chamber's obstacle-course-like layout. With this faint light to guide them, the workers were once again moving, though without their magic or tools, they weren't doing much useful work.

"Vere are zee UV lights?" asked Ludwig, leaning forward so he could see the ceiling of the chamber, which was devoid of any light at all.

"They're up there," explained Iggy, "we put magic cloaks over them, it lets light through coming from the bulbs, but it doesn't let you actually see it coming out.

"Strange," mused Ludwig.

"I don't get it, actually," admitted Iggy, before turning on the intercom one more and addressing the workers below, "alright, I'm activating the Bullet Bills now, in a few minutes, you can go back to your work."

"VAIT!" yelped Ludwig, but he was too late.

Iggy paled, his finger still resting on the key he had just pressed on the pad, "_what's wrong_?"

"Zat!" cried Ludwig, pointing to a group of wavering green lights in the gloom.

Iggy pressed his snout against the glass, fingering his glasses to try and augment their magnification, "it looks like… _King Dad_!"

Indeed, Bowser was strolling through the darkness, totally unaware that his snout and hands were coated in glowing bacteria.

"Vere are zee Bullet Bills positioned?" demanded Ludwig.

"The far wall," said Iggy hurriedly, flipping on the intercom once more, "King Dad! Whatever you do, don't turn around!"

"Huh?" grunted Bowser, his rumbling voice echoing through the battle chamber as he stopped and looked back over his shoulder. Big mistake. With an ominous 'BEEP! BEEP!' noise, one of the Bullet Bills caught sight of the King's glowing nose, and roared out of the wall, it's fiery trail lighting up the room.

"No!" shrieked Iggy, staggering away from the window as sparks danced in front of his dazzled eyes.

"Shut it off!" ordered Ludwig, watching in horror as Bowser flung himself onto the ground to avoid the missile.

"I can't!" said Iggy, rubbing his face, "once they're launched, it's too late!"

The Bullet Bill was making another pass at Bowser. He was now running for his life. Unfortunately, when he had ducked last time, he had smeared bacteria from his hands into his hair, and now the back of his head was also a target for the rapidly approaching projectile.

"Zen turn off zee lights!" said Ludwig, who was practically hopping up and down in agitation as he ripped himself from the window and made a dive for the light switches. He reached them at the same time Iggy – still blinded – did, and as a result all five blocks of light flared on in an instant.

"Ahhh!" roared Bowser, leaping into a shallow trench as the Bullet Bill arced over his back, ripping up towards the lights. But the reprieve was not long, and as soon as the lights had come on, they were extinguished in a cascade of sparks as the circuit breakers exploded in the ceiling.

Bowser looked up as the missile flew in figure-eight's through the electric rain. But as the air cleared, it once again turned it's scanners on him, and this time, as it dived through the smoke, it was joined by a swarm of it's kin.

"You MORON! Why'd _you_ flip the switches? King Dad's **dead** now!"

"Hey, _I_ told _you_ to deactivate zee Bullet Bills! Remember?" snapped Ludwig in response to his brother's outburst, "oh! I _knew_ somezing like zis vould happen!"

"Liar!"

"GAAAAAAHHHH!!" Bowser's screams brought Iggy and Ludwig back to their senses. They both rushed to the window, watching in horror as Bowser sprinted down the trench, hotly pursued by three Bullet Bills behind him, and another pair diving down on him from the heavens.

"TURN LEFT!!" shouted Ludwig, but his father couldn't hear him.

Suddenly, Iggy turned and made a dash for the terminal, flicking on the intercom and relaying the directions throughout the entire chamber.

Bowser once again looked up, vainly seeking the window he knew his children were watching from, and in the process, giving the skyward Bullet Bills a clear shot of his green snout.

Whistling menacingly, they made a final dive. Bowser howled and lunged to the left, putting his back to the exposition resulting from those missiles colliding with one that had been pursuing Bowser along the ground. He rolled to a stop, dazed and bruised. That would have been the end of him, if the other Bullet Bills that had been chasing him hadn't gotten confused by the fireball and spun away from the Koopa King.

"KING DAD!! KING DAD!!" Iggy's frantic shouting brought Bowser to his senses. He pushed himself up onto all-fours, still groggy from the explosion, when an all-too-familiar roaring filled his ears. Panic-stricken, he shot a glance over his shoulder at the oncoming Bullet Bill. Without thinking, the Koopa King did what he always did in those situations, he belched out the biggest fireball he could manage and ducked into his shell as it detonated the missile, mere feet in-front of him.

The blast sent Bowser flying, and he landed beside the lip of the trench in a heap. There was no time to lose, he could hear more Bullet Bills approaching as he scrambled to his feet, his claws scraping against the concrete as he pulled himself forward.

-

"The computer's locked," moaned Iggy, frantically typing in the control room, trying to shut off the UV lights, "I can't do anything."

"Bah!" hissed Ludwig, "vat happened to zee good old days ven vee used simple _light svitches_?!"

Iggy was about to growl a retort when he noticed something in the darkness. He leaned over and shouted into the microphone: "No! Go right! The trench ahead is filled with Bloopers!!"

Bowser skidding to a halt and about-faced, leaping into space as a Bullet Bill whizzed beneath him.

"Yeow!!" roared the Koopa King as he fell through the rocket's burning tail. He landed heavily and kept running. He didn't know how long he could keep it up, sprinting was one thing, but he stank at long-distance.

"Left! Left!" came Iggy's disembodied voice, but his father was beyond caring, and as he heard the missile's roaring grow louder, he made a jump for the nearest moving platform, which was on his right.

"No! No!" shouted the workers, standing on the far end of the platform, but Bowser didn't listen and when he landed on the stage the cables nearest them (which they hadn't finished reinforcing) snapped. They screamed as they fell off into space; Bowser roared in anger as twisted around and dug his claws into the metal scaffolding, sending sparks flying as he tried to hold on.

He looked up and saw two more Bullet Bills bearing down on the sparks. Knowing what would happen if he didn't act, Bowser let go of the platform, and fell away as it was consumed in a fireball.

"Vere'd he go? Vere'd he go?" wailed Ludwig.

"There!" pointed Iggy, as Bowser pulled himself out of a warp pipe. He was exhausted, but there was still a Bullet Bill in the air, and it soon caught sight of his glowing face, hands and hair. Fortunately it was relatively far away, and he feebly started jogged away, immediately falling into a trench his tired eyes missed.

The shock of a hard landing reawakened his senses and with his last bit of strength, he wrenched himself upright and charged down the trench. His heart was hammering in his ears. He could hear the roaring of the Bullet Bill gaining on him from behind, and he could hear it whistling through the air too. Or was it something else? He could hear Iggy shouting something. "Turn left"? "Not left"? Bowser couldn't tell. The kid might also be saying "right", or "up"? It wasn't making sense. The Bullet Bill was closing.

Bowser swerved into a corridor to his right, his feet splashed in water. Maybe he could make it to the pumps, then he could wash the bacteria away. Ludwig had told him something about that, if only he had paid attention. Bowser sped up, one last burst of speed, he could hear the Bullet Bill, its roaring was everywhere. But the water was getting deeper.

The Koopa King turned a corner. The water was gushing into the trench from a vent in the wall; he was saved!

Then, another Bullet Bill appeared, diving down towards the glittering water and breaking through the waves, coming straight for Bowser. He didn't bother stopping.

-

Ludwig and Iggy turned from the window, cringing as the explosion echoed through the battle chamber.

"Ouch," groaned Iggy.

"Yeah, zat's vone of zee vorst ones I've seen yet," said Ludwig, "and it vasn't even Mario's fault zis time!"

"Do you think they'll be enough left to resurrect?"

"Of course," said Ludwig, "as long as his shell's intact zere'll be enough of his energy, and zus, his life force, left for zee Magikoopa's potions and spells to rekindle."

"Hmm," said Iggy, returning to the computer terminal as Ludwig watched Magikoopas fly about the room in a panic. Iggy had managed to get the emergency lighting back on, and the eldest Koopaling could barely make out Kammy's purple robes amongst the Medikoopas' white.

"What do ya think will happen to our bacteria?" asked Iggy, after a moment.

"He'll probably dump 'em into zee lava, as revenge, y'know," shrugged Ludwig.

"So it was all a waste of time?"

"I dunno, it _vas_ good practice for your Biology course next year," said Ludwig.

"Still, it's a pity," sighed Iggy, "this plan seemed pretty effective, if you ask me."

"If only he had vashed his hands…"

"What I don't understand, is how come the bacteria growing on him was glowing," commented Iggy after a pause.

"He vas contaminated vit bacteria from zee LB/AMP/ARA Bross," explained Ludwig, "zey already had GFP in zem."

"But you said you showed him the bacteria right after breakfast, that was hours ago."

"He's varm, and he's messy; his skin's a breeding ground for bacteria," said Ludwig nonchalantly.

"But not for bacteria producing GFP," argued Iggy, "you saw how bright his snout was. Unless he stuck his face in the bacterial bucket, there's no way a chance contamination from his hands made that mass of _glowing_ bacteria, unless-"

"Unless he was covered in arabinose," floated a gloating voice from the doorway. Ludwig and Iggy turned to see Lemmy rolling his ball into the room.

"_You_?" gasped Iggy, "but, how-"

"How did I get him covered in arabinose? I fed him some of Kammy's awful jello-fruit-juice things," grinned Lemmy.

"Okay," interjected Ludwig, "but how-"

"Did I know to feed him arabinose to get the bacteria to glow?" finished Lemmy, "you're forgetting, Roy's not Kamek's only Biology student this year."

"Of course!" cried Ludwig, recalling that Lemmy and Roy were in the same age bracket when it came to their education.

"You all forgot?" said Lemmy incredulously, "come on! Just 'cause _I_ don't need help with _my_ homework's no excuse to forget me."

"We're sorry, okay," said Iggy.

"And now King Dad's sorry too," smiled Lemmy, being uncharacteristically cruel.

"Told you," whispered Iggy to Ludwig, "Vibe Island."

Lemmy herd the remark, "maybe so, but why should I care about bad Vibes when I've got an A+ in Biology?"

"Because Fazzer's gonna kill you vonce he's resurrected," offered Ludwig.

"Because he's gonna pull you from the class anyway now that you've used your knowledge against him," quipped Iggy.

Lemmy shrugged, "don't worry, I've got a plan for that too."

--

Kammy and the Medikoopas had Bowser back in one piece by the evening. Knowing that his second-oldest son set him up, Bowser sent for Lemmy.

"What the Underwhere were you thinking!?" he demanded.

"I wanted revenge," said Lemmy meekly.

"_Revenge!?_"

Lemmy nodded.

Bowser was simmering with anger.

"Look on the bright side," said Lemmy, peering up at his father, "your plan works without a hitch. Iggy says he's got a couple of Bullet Bills left, and the bacteria'll be good for a while, it's perfect."

"Uh…" said Bowser, his anger being replaced with ego, "yeah, it is a great plan, isn't it?"

"One of your best," nodded Lemmy.

"Hah! Brilliant!" grinned Bowser, "Kammy!"

"Yes, Your Elatedness?" said the Royal Advisor, who had been lingering in the shadows, lest she needed to swoop in to rescue Lemmy from the King's fiery retribution.

"Go make sure the battle chamber's being fixed up and completed! The kidnapping's rescheduled for tomorrow!"

--

Meanwhile, Ludwig and Iggy were washing their hands: they had decided to save Bowser the trouble, and dumped all the MM294 into the lava.

The End


End file.
